


A Therapy Session

by rainydayes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Famous Louis Tomlinson, Gen, Psychoanalysis, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Therapist Harry Styles, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:22:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24034231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainydayes/pseuds/rainydayes
Summary: Dr. Harry Styles has a weekly session with his client Louis and they finally have a breakthrough! (If you like psychoanalyzing or just need some affirmations give it a read)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	A Therapy Session

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Just want to make a few things clear:
> 
> \- this in no way reflects actual psychology practices (not intentionally at least. I'm a psych major and I've been nerding over the subject for years but IM NOT A PROFESSIONAL)  
> \- this in no way reflects the actual mental state Louis Tomlinson in real life. I can't psychoanalyze him bc I DON'T KNOW HIM (but I would be honored to do so if he let me)  
> \- the issues discussed are only PARTIALLY taken from what I've picked up from interviews. I got to a point where I started projecting :/
> 
> That being said I hope someone out there who's equally as weird as me enjoys this!

Harry checked the grandfather clock sitting dutifully in the corner for the fifth time in two minutes. This would be a record for Louis who as of 3:10 was now twenty minutes late to his session. Or at least late to the buffer half-hour time Harry gave him instead of his actual 3:20 call time. He learned his lesson after sitting in his office for half an hour playing sudoku only for Louis to show up at his doorway looking disheveled and only mildly panicked over his fifty-minute session being shortened down to a fifteen-minute chat. Luckily, the man was a bit of a chatterbox, especially if he was on edge, so Harry was able to make do enough for the session after.

Twenty-five minutes past three was when Louis chose to grace Harry with his presence, sporting a cheeky grin. Harry shook his head fondly. Quite the young man indeed.

“Dr. Styles! Good to see you again! How have you been?” Louis greeted cheerily, shaking Harry’s hand. Harry smiled, subtly scanning him. He was sporting a tracksuit once again which left a heaviness in Harry’s stomach, but today his fringe was swept right over his eyes in a way that felt nostalgic.

“I’ve been good. How are you doing today, Louis?” Louis collapsed into the seat opposite him and shrugged, still grinning.

“Same ol’, same ol’. Lots of traveling recently, but it’s good to be back here. A bit more...stability.”

“Stability?”

“Like, I would never say London is really home, but right now that’s how it is, yeah? I love Donny but it’s not great for work and America isn’t… I just feel like I have a base here. Especially now that Freddie’s here with me.”

“Right. I remember you mentioned that separation was very difficult for you,” Harry mused, taking note of Louis crossing his legs at the subject of his son. Parenthood was always a sensitive area for Louis particularly. He was holding onto a lot of anxiety that they were slowly working to unpack.

“Yeah, yeah. I—He’s just growing up so fast now. It makes me wonder quite a bit,” Louis said softly, leaving Harry to complete the thought in his notes.

“You see yourself in him?”

“A little, I guess, yeah. It feels a little narcissistic to see him like a miniature version of me instead of his own person. I hated when people did that. But he is a little prankster in the making, though.” They both let out a slight chuckle. 

“Why do you feel that it’s narcissistic?” Harry prompted. Louis tilted his head slightly, mulling over his words. 

“Maybe not narcissistic. I misspoke—”

“You didn’t misspeak, you just articulated how you were feeling. Remember that. Sorry for interrupting.” Louis waved a dismissive hand.

“You’re alright. I just don’t want Freddie to feel the pressure to be a certain way, at least not from me. I know how horrible that can be when it feels like people have decided who you need to be for you.” Harry smiled, leaning forward.

“We touched on that last week a bit didn’t we? Did you happen to finish the little experiment I gave you?” Louis snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you worry, Dr. Styles. I finished my homework.”

“I’ve told you several times, you can call me Harry,” Harry laughed. Louis shrugged with his sly smile, playing with the cuffs of his sleeves.

“Someday maybe. Did you want to see the letter?”

“Are you comfortable with me knowing what you wrote?”

“Isn’t that what therapists are for?” Louis joked half-heartedly. Harry shook his head.

“My job is to challenge you, not push you over your limit. You never have to share anything you’re not ready to,” Harry said earnestly. Louis nodded, his eyes shifting away.

“You can see it.”

“Do you mind reading it aloud to me?” Louis uncrossed his legs, opting to cross his arms instead. Harry tried to remain as neutral as possible, giving no indication to a preferred response. Louis sighed and nodded, taking the folded piece of paper and opening it.

“Dear 17-year-old Louis—

I know that we’ve never been good at thinking a whole decade ahead, but let me tell you that the future is bigger than anything you ever allowed yourself to imagine. You’re really good at taking chances. I’ve always admired that about you. Sometimes it got you into trouble, but other times it brought in a damn miracle. 

But that doesn’t mean things will be all glitz and glamour of course. You’ll live the dream, but life will move so fast through those early years that by the time you reach the other side you’ll wonder if you might’ve missed something. When you talk to the boys from back home it’ll certainly feel that way. You may even start to resent yourself and the people around you for trapping you for all of those years. But remember that perspective matters and there’s never one perfect way of living.

You’ll gain many good friends, particularly four really good ones. Try to control your tongue so you don’t lose them. Even if some of them drift away, don’t give up too easily. Some friendships truly are once in a lifetime. Don’t let people tell you how you shouldn’t be. Not that you’re too keen to that already. But at some point it will be easier to go along with what the puppeteer wants. Resist the urge to go limp and move mindlessly. That’s where you’ll find trouble.

Try to hang on tightly to who you are now. Life will run you ragged if you don’t. One day, when you’re me, you’ll even miss this version of you before all your wildest dreams came true. Enjoy right now. The future will be alright.

Sincerely,  
Future Louis”

Louis closed the paper once again, smoothing over creases once again. This was definitely the calmest and quietest Harry had ever seen him. He gives Louis a warm smile and receives a weak one back.

“You left a lot of lessons that seem to be tied to regret,” he mused nonchalantly. Louis shrugged.

“I wish I had been more prepared. Being in your twenties isn’t easy for anybody,” he joked half-heartedly. Harry gives a thoughtful nod.

“Have you ever considered how those regrets helped you grow into who you are now?” Harry prompted gently. A quick bark of laughter escaped Louis’ shifted demeanor before he gave a contemplative hum.

“I mean, sure, but if I hadn’t then I wouldn’t be here talking to you, right? If I hadn’t made those mistakes I’d probably be in a better place.”

“You can’t know that, Louis.”

“Fine then. I feel like that. Better? Will you write it down, now?” Harry sighed at his raised voice. He knew that his patients could potentially be riled up during a session, but it seemed he had a debate with Louis every week. He was only coming once a week.

“I mean, you can’t make a prediction about how green the grass could’ve been. You have to learn to accept your mistakes and appreciate them for teaching you at a time you needed to learn. If it hadn’t been one thing, it would’ve been another or nothing at all. Stop punishing yourself for growing.”

They sat in silence, Louis’ eyes watching the carpet. He finally uncrossed his arms and sat up. “I guess I can see your point. It’s just difficult to let go. I don’t think I’m mature enough for that yet.”

“That’s okay. Self-forgiveness is a journey. An especially hard one at that,” Harry said gently. Louis looked up to meet his eyes and give him a tight smile.

“You’ve got the time by any chance?”

“3:45 Louis. We’ve still got a whole 45 minutes for anything you’d like.” Louis snorted, slumping back in the seat.

“Oh joy.” 

Harry looked back down at his notes, suppressing the urge to twitch his nose. Louis wasn’t the first stubborn client he’d worked with and he certainly wouldn’t be the last. “You mentioned in your letter ‘don’t let people tell you who you shouldn’t be.’”

“There it is!” Louis cries, wagging a finger at Harry with a crinkly-eyed smile. “I knew you’d have something for that!”

“I’m sorry if I’m predictable,” Harry mutters, his cheeks warm. Louis waves a dismissive hand.

“Nonsense. Well, what do you want to know?”

“I just want you to tell me more about that.”

“It’s not much deeper than what I said. I shouldn’t have let people dictate who they thought I should be when I was younger. Now I don’t.” Louis runs his fingers through his hair, his eyes darting to the floor. Harry quirks a brow.

“In what ways did it happen when you were younger?”

“Just industry things.” Louis leans forward, clasping his hands together. Harry mirrors him while keeping his legs crossed. “Our management was really set on each of us having a specific image. It wasn’t baseless. More like a derivative of our personalities, trimming off what they didn’t think was marketable.”  
Harry noted the lack of eye contact as Louis explained. “What did that look like for you?” Louis snorts, rolling his eyes.

“Like you don’t know? Oh, you know, the sweet boy next door. I remember there was this poster that broke us down into types like a typical boy band. Guess what mine was?”

Harry tapped his pen on his bottom lip. “Sassy bad boy?” 

Louis snickered. “So you can be funny! So was I apparently. Funny and adorable. It took us years to break out of the boy wonder box. Be human. Our own people. Everyone had an opinion about what we should be. It’s exhausting when you’re not even sure who you’d like to be.” Harry nodded, mulling over the new information.

“And now. Do you feel more like your own person?” Louis nodded, sitting back again.

“Light years. I think it’s an age thing. I don’t have it in me to be loud like that anymore. I’m not as flamboyant. Haven’t been for years. But I don’t think people see that.”

“Flamboyant?” Louis raised a brow, his lips quirking into a smirk.

“What do you think I mean, Styles?” he challenged, crossing his arms once again. Harry’s nose twitched as he tapped his notebook with his pen. 

“Are you satisfied with how you are now or do you wish you were more like your younger self?” Harry asked, a sigh fighting its way into his voice. Louis pursed his lips, looking up at the ceiling as if the answer resided there. Blue eyes dropped back down to meet Harry’s and Harry’s nose twitched again.

“I don’t know. Some days I wish I had the energy, the luster. But I think I just miss how things were before me mum and sister passed, before the hiatus, before I fell back down from the high of everything. It wasn’t real life. I don’t know how I’m still going about.” Harry hummed. This was the most insight he’d gotten since Louis started sessions. He’d finally managed to break past the verbal tennis match. He fought back a grin.

“But you are still going. It’s admirable considering how much you’ve gone through.”

“But I’m not alright. I know I’m not quite right. It’s like my brain has a part of my consciousness locked away from me right now. It makes it hard to work.”

“You mentioned that in our first session. This is what prompted you to seek counseling.”

Louis rustled his hair again. “Sort of. The other guys said it had helped them during this hiatus. I’m just stubborn.” Harry tried to hold back his laughter but he couldn’t escape the guffaw that left him. Louis smiled. “That’s something right? I’m aware of my flaws.”

“Are you aware of your strengths?” Harry asked. Louis’ smile faltered. “You’re self-aware regarding your shortcomings, but you don’t acknowledge your strengths very often.”

“I don’t think anyone wants to be around a peacock,” Louis joked. 

“Sure. But you’re not arrogant.”

“I’m not insecure. I’m far past that.” 

“Is that right? Then you recognize that you can celebrate your accomplishments and good qualities without being a prick?”

“That isn’t a very shrink thing to say,” Louis muttered.

“Sorry. How about this: you deserve love. Especially from yourself.” Louis looked up at Harry’s intense gaze, shifting in his seat.

“I know,” he said, his voice small. Harry took a deep breath, looking back at his notes. He didn’t like to keep an arsenal of exercises for his clients, preferring to shape them based on individual needs. Harry perked up as an idea dawned on him. 

“Okay, Louis. I want to try an exercise with you if that’s alright.” Louis nodded, remaining uncharacteristically compliant. Harry dismisses his worry to rip out a sheet of paper from the back of his notebook and pull out a spare pen. He hands Louis the materials.

“I want you to write down any grievances you have with yourself. Mistakes you’ve made big or small, flaws you see in yourself, anything about who you are that you dislike—”

“This seems a bit counter-intuitive from your earlier point.” Harry smiled, glad that he was getting at least a little resistance. It wouldn’t be a proper session otherwise. 

“This is just the first part. I’ll give you ten minutes to write them down as a list.” Harry sat back as Louis slowly went to work. By the five minute mark, Louis was writing furiously, his brows scrunched in concentration. With fifteen seconds left he set down the pen. “Now I want you to go through each thing you listed and respond to them as if this was written about a friend or loved one. There’s no time limit and if you’re stuck you can ask for my help.”

Louis looked closely at the first one, letting out a sigh. “What do you mean? How do I respond to something like ‘being stubborn.’”

“Sometimes people we view as stubborn are just assertive and strong-willed. Maybe they had gone through hardships that required them to be ‘stubborn’ about their beliefs or avoid being swayed into danger. There were probably many instances that your stubbornness protected you instead of hinder you. That quality has probably helped in keeping others from manipulating you easily or mistreating you. You shouldn’t punish yourself for protecting your beliefs and values.” Louis stared at Harry wide-eyed, a light bulb seems to click in his head. Harry cleared his throat. “That’s just an example, of course.”

Louis nodded, looking back down at his paper. Harry read back through his session notes as Louis worked through the list. With fifteen minutes left Louis slowed to a stop at the last one on his list, chewing his lip in concentration. He looked up hesitantly.

“I, um. I think I finished it.” Harry smiled, opening his notebook back to the end of his notes.

“Why do you think I had you do that?” Louis gives a shaky laugh, his blue eyes growing shiny.

“I think you wanted me to recognize that things I see as flaws are there for a reason. I also think based on earlier you wanted me to practice forgiving myself more often. Fuck, I hate crying.” Louis wipes the beads of tears onto his sleeves. 

“Well if there’s anywhere to cry, therapy is definitely the right place,” Harry jokes making Louis giggle. 

“Exactly, exactly. I’m gonna work on that, promise. You’re right. I did the best I could with what I knew and I’m better for it.” Harry beams.

“I’m really proud of you, Louis.” Louis beams back at him.

“Can I get a hug? I’m sure there’s probably some client boundary thing with that, but I’d really like a cuddle.” Harry laughed, walking over to Louis and embracing him before walking back to his chair.

“We have a few more minutes if you’d like to talk about anything else.”

“No weekly homework for me to do?” Louis teased. Harry grinned, looking back at his notes.

“I think we’ve finally gotten to a point where you don’t need them. However, I would like you this week to actively forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Then next session I want you to give me five examples of you doing so. Think of it as a mental/verbal version of the exercise we did here today.” Harry ripped out another page with instructions and handed it to Louis. Louis folded it carefully, placing it in his pocket.

“Will do, Harry.” Harry smiled. This will definitely be a day to celebrate after he gets off work.

“Alright then, Louis. Have a wonderful week and I’ll see you next time.” Louis smiled, shaking his hand before leaving the room. Harry shook his head, dog-ear

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fun side project! Let me know if you'd be into a another part or two bc there are definitely some things I didn't get to in this one that I'd love to explore. Also let me know if you'd want one with the other guys or even Harry!


End file.
